Embracing Humility Through Adversity
Spring is finally kicking in here on the north side of the globe, and man, am I grateful!!! The past winter has taught me humility, empathy, and deep gratitude for a healthy body.

Until recently, I was a person who ‘never gets sick’. When others say they feel a little icky, unfit, or have the 3rd cold of the season, I am that super annoying person who thinks, "hmmmm, that never really happens to me." I can empathize on a cognitive level, but I can’t really imagine what that feels like. And in all honesty, I also have to admit that part of me felt a little proud of that.

Until this winter, when life taught me a little lesson in humility and I became that person who had 3 viruses in a row: COVID, flu, and stomach flu. I was knocked down for a week straight by each and every one of them. I guess this is what having a baby does to you: the combination of sleeplessness, lack of daylight, and weekly virus updates from daycare are bound to result in a trip down virus lane.

Whenever things like this happen, I get a sense of deep empathy for people who have to go through this on a frequent or even chronic basis. Like people who suffer from long COVID, or anyone dealing with another chronic mental of physical illness. I remember a similar empathy update after I was knocked down by prenatal depression in the beginning of my pregnancy. I was like, "WOW, so THIS is what it feels like to be depressed." I remember trying to just sit with my thoughts in meditation. An uphil battle with my hormones that I definitely did not win. Empathy... humility... By the way, this doesn't mean yoga or mindfulness are not useful tools when facing depression, but it requires very specific types of tools (which I will get to in a moment), and just sitting with a wirlwind of negative thoughts is not always the best idea.

So for me, there is an upside to going through these shorter periods of illness and mental and emotional low points. It makes me a more empathic person because I understand other people better, AND it makes me grateful for all the other healthy moments in my life. Just to be clear, I am not trying to downplay feeling sick, or depressed, or other types of suffering. For me though, there are lessons to learn, and there are mental tools and exercises to deal with these periods of struggle, that will help you to come out grateful at the other end. I am a mountain fanatic, and I can tell you, after a 5-hour uphill battle, a super simple sandwich on the top of a mountain tastes like the best thing you have ever eaten in your whole life.

After suffering comes gratitude for simple things. The thing is, those moments of enjoying and valuing things more after working or suffering, are fleeting. Before we know it, we are back to being annoyed about all the problems in our life. So what can we do to feel less annoyed and more grateful on a regular basis?

Wisdom From the Ages

Let’s have a look at what ancient philosophies andpsychological science have to say about gratitude, from which we can learn how to better deal with adversity, as well as feel more content on a regular basis.

In yoga philosophy, ‘Santosha’ or contentment, is one of the guidelines for living a fulfilled life. Santosha is the practice of contentment and acceptance of what is. It involves finding satisfaction and gratitude for the present moment and one's current circumstances, regardless of external
conditions. As Sri Swami Satchidananda stated, "Santosha is the realization that everything we need for happiness is already within us."

Buddha phrased gratitude and appreciation like this: “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."

Stoic philosophy, with its emphasis on virtue, resilience, and acceptance of what is beyond one's control, offers insights into practicing thankfulness or gratitude. Stoic philosopher Epictetus tells us that "(S)He is a wise (wo)man who does not grieve for the things which (s)he has not, but rejoices for those which (s)he has."

Navigating Modern Life with Ancient Wisdom
Ok, so how do we place these quotes in the context of our day-to-day life? How can we apply this and understand it in our modern world? According to psychological Science: “there is a gap between unhappiness and happiness, and it is about as wide as the gap between what you have and what you want.”

We think we can bridge the gap by getting what we want. This is how our society is built. We are triggered to run after desires all the time. A once useful survival skill to keep us moving, but a maddening rat race in an environment overloaded with choice, goals, ambitions, and companies
trying to sell us stuff.

The problem is: to keep us on the move (very useful when wewere living in environments where resources were scarce), what we want is always changing. This is how our mind works: dopamine drives us to go after what we want, but when we get it, it drops down again and we look out for the next thing so we feel that dopamine drive again. Because this is an ongoing built-in survival mechanism, we always experience that gap and we always feel unhappy and dissatisfied if we try to make ourselves happy by getting what we want.

But what if we can also bridge the gap by wanting what we already have?

Bridging the Gap with Gratitude

Gratitude practices, where we become aware of and learn to appreciate and want what we already have, offer profound changes in well-being and happiness. Regularly expressing gratitude enhances psychological well-being by increasing positive emotions and life satisfaction, reducing symptoms of pain, depression, and anxiety, promoting resilience in the face of adversity, improving sleep quality, strengthening social relationships, and contributing to better physical health outcomes.

Here are three exercises that only take a few minutes, that have the capacity to instantly
change the way you feel without changing a thing in your actual life:

1. Gratitude Journaling: Set aside a few minutes each day to write down three things you are grateful for, or three things you have done in the day that you feel grateful towards yourself for. These can be big or small, such as a supportive friend, a beautiful sunset, a delicious meal, or the fact that you smiled at a stranger, hugged a friend or family member, or simply the fact you took the time to sit down with your journal. Journaling, even for a few minutes a day, can truly transform the way you feel about your day: from never having done enough, always feeling behind, always feeling like time and resources are scarce, to feeling relaxed, connected to what matters, and appreciative of all the amazing things that have already happened and trusting towards yourself that even if you do not push yourself, you do a lot of things that truly matter.

2. Expressing Gratitude to Others: Take a few minutes per day to express your gratitude to the people in your life who have made a positive impact. Expressing appreciation towards others can truly transform your relationships without anyone having to do anything extra to make the other person happy. For one, expressing gratitude will shift your focus towards all the positive things someone is doing for you, and will make you see them in a different light. But it will also make the other person feel seen, appreciated, and safe, increasing their energy and willingness to keep sending positivity your way.

3. Negative Visualization: Negative visualization is a Stoic practice where one imagines the loss of things we often take for granted to cultivate gratitude and resilience and it is closely related to the buddhist practice of impermanence. In practice, negative visualization or being aware of impermanence, involves deliberately reflecting on various aspects of our lives that we often take for granted—such as our loved ones, possessions, health, or opportunities—and envisioning them being taken away or lost. By contemplating that none of them are permanent, and confronting the possibility of loss, we become more aware of the fleeting nature of life and the preciousness of each moment.

This may seem a bit gloomy, but we don't dwell on these feelings of loss. We just imagine them for a brief moment, only enough to realize how much we appreciate all that we have. You can take a few minutes each day to think about anything you need in your life, a friend, a partner, a pet, a roof over your head, food on the table, your health, or even your child. Anything or anyone that makes your life worth living. Imagine losing it or them for a brief moment. What would that be like? The next time you eat a meal, or you sit with a person in a simple moment of silence, it will be a precious moment, and you might fall in love with someone all over again.

Framing Reality: It's All in the Mind
All these practices involve framing the same situation differently. Instead of spending more time, effort, or money to get what we want, we reframe the situation and we appreciate all that we already have.

The mind is a very powerful meaning maker. Perception is all in the eye of the beholder. How you view the world, with a sense of gratitude, or with a sense of needing more, has a much bigger impact on how you feel than your objective life circumstances.

Thanks for checking in,

With love & gratitude,

Inge